Author Archive
SMS in REM
Well, humanity is doomed thanks to excessive texting. Last night while I was sleeping, I had a dream in which I was cleaning my room (exciting stuff) and realized I had to ask a friend a question that I can no longer recall. Anyway, in my past dreams, I would have called this friend or [...]
Wake Up Call
Sometimes people like to reminisce about life before certain inventions. It’s difficult to remember what people did before the internet or cell phones or TV or belly buttons. Life seems to have been completely different and quite inefficient by today’s standards. You know what invention doesn’t get enough attention? Alarm Clocks. Just about everyone with [...]
Pre-shushing
When I go to the movies, I try to be pretty courteous. I keep quiet except for a few sarcastic and usually hilarious comments during the movie, but those are whispered. I never, ever talk on my phone, and if I feel the need to send or reply to a text, i angle the phone [...]
The Commonness of Sense
Common sense is a troublesome term. What does it entail? Why is some common sense really common, like how to put on socks, while other common sense is more complicated, like the supply and demand curve? We need to quantify commonness of sense and also create a cut-off point at which sense does not qualify [...]
Coming Soon to Your Local Grocer
Some foods I would like to create and market: I Can’t Believe It’s Butter! Unlucky Charms Fish of the Land canned chicken Bacon spray Pre-roasted marshmallows Orange pulp in a shake-top carton Tortillas with branded-on burrito/fajita making instructions Triangular loaves of bread (triangular prisms, to be precise) Peanut Butter Or Jelly (one or the other, [...]
Gruntled and Whelmed
I know this sort of thing has been mentioned by others, but I feel it’s worthy of a few lines here as well. I want to start using the root words of words that only ever appear with some sort of prefix. Sometimes people would know what I was doing, and sometimes it would sound [...]
Rethinking Speed Limits
It has occurred to me that our enforcement of the speed limit system is completely ineffective. In fact, I think it accounts for a good portion of the total road rage experienced on a daily basis. Allow me to identify the issues: Many are way too low. 55 on a major highway/expressway is ridiculous. There [...]
Crumbs
Crumbs are interesting. How do you define a crumb? There is no size requirement, is there? If you have a loaf of bread, it is not a crumb in itself. If you pull some of it off, it’s a piece or a slice or a crust or some other unit of bread. I think in [...]
Post-like Writing
Why don’t athletes ever get actual sicknesses? They only get symptoms reminiscent of the associated ailment. The most common example of this is “Flu-like symptoms”. What is Flu-like? Is it the Flu? If it is, let’s call it by it’s name. If not, let’s get this guy (or lady) diagnosed ASAP. If I had Flu-like [...]
Anti-fungal
I don’t like mushrooms. I never have liked them, and I probably never will. This is because they are a fungus. We don’t eat fungi, generally speaking. Name another one we do eat. Waiting… No, no. Don’t bother me with yeast. We do not eat yeast. We use yeast. If we could make bread rise [...]
