While such a tolerance would be fun to brag about, he must have had some seriously outrageous bar tabs in his day. He probably downed a beer in like 5 seconds, which would get annoying for the bartender who either had to ignore his other customers or deal with an angry and possibly drunken giant. And what about closing time (cue Semisonic background music)? When Andre was 39 beers in and wanted more, I bet the clock wasn’t convincing him to go home.

I bet there was at least one divorce caused by Andre’s drinking and the bartender not getting home till 8 in the morning. “No, honey, really… there was a giant in the bar who kept drinking and wouldn’t leave!” The wife, cranky because she hadn’t slept well while wondering with whom her husband was cheating, would laugh at him, then kick him out. Then he would have to sell his bar and find another way to sustain himself. He should have become a professional wrestler and fought Andre the Giant… would have made for a great storyline.

Since  I don’t want to harp on the negative, let’s celebrate the lives of some complete strangers who narrowly escaped death, at least in terms of name.

Meet Farrah Jackson – mother of at least one (or so her profile picture as of today would indicate). Farrah is from Ohio and is a fan of Pampers diapers and Rachel Maddow. She also owns a computer and has an internet connection, as far as I can tell.

Then there’s NY Congressman Michael McMahon. I don’t want this blog to turn political just yet, so I won’t say much about him, except that he is still alive and apparently really likes to show his teeth when he smiles. He also has the obligatory politician picture of him reading a book to a bunch of kids. Yay reading!

Finally, there’s Ed Fawcett, who owns a used car lot in Winter Park, Florida. Since he doesn’t have a website of his own, I’m not going to link to one. And that means none of my readers will click on it. And since I have a wealth of Winter Park readers, Ed has just screwed himself. Ed, your cars suck, and so do you.

That’s all for now. Welcome to my blog.